Sands

NEED HELP NOW?

If you are reading this before you have delivered your baby, we have listed some of the things that need to be done immediately before, and after the delivery.

“I’m sorry, your baby has died!”

This is not how you expected your pregnancy to end. But it has. The usual reactions to these terrible words are shock, confusion, disbelief or a feeling of numbness. There are many thoughts swirling about in your mind, and you may feel confused and overwhelmed. It is hard to concentrate and absorb the information that is being given to you.

What do we do now?

There are a number of issues to consider and decisions to be made.

Seeing and holding your baby – you may be encouraged to see and hold your baby. From our experience in talking with parents, many who did not see or hold their baby have regretted this decision. If you are not sure whether to see or hold your baby because of how he/she may look, please talk this over with the midwife or doctor. Nothing can take away the intense pain you feel when you see your baby, but if you don’t see them you can only imagine what he or she looked like. You may also consider arranging for the rest of your family to see the baby. Older children will often later express regret if they did not see the baby.

Gathering mementos – Most hospitals have protocols for creating memories. They will take photos, take hand and foot prints, and create a little book, which also includes the cot card, ankle and wristbands. SANDS encourage parents to take their own photos. Some points to consider for the photos are – a family photo may be especially treasured including siblings; if possible all babies from a multiple pregnancy are photographed together especially if one or more survive; if your baby was attached to a life support system while alive you may like some photos of your baby without any of these attachments.

Caring for your baby – You had anticipated caring for your baby and this expectation is not to be fulfilled. Doing what you can now is a way of expressing your caring by fulfilling some of those parenting expectations that you had. You can bathe and dress your baby, wrap, cuddle and talk to your baby. You may consider taking the baby outside, to the park (if there is one nearby), or you may want to take your baby home with you.

Naming the baby - most parents feel it is important to refer to their baby by the name they had chosen. This gives your baby an identity and helps you recognise him/her as a person. All babies born from 20 weeks gestation must have their birth registered. The birth certificate will show that the baby is stillborn, if that is the case, and for a baby that has been alive for a short time the birth certificate will have the word ‘deceased’.

Beautiful quilts and appropriate sized outfits are available from SANDS if the hospital does not have them, free of charge. You may want to purchase an outfit from the shop, or make one yourself.

Pictured below are samples of the items available from the SAND office. These items are available in various sizes, colours and designs. We also have a range of memory boxes available.

Placing a birth notice in the paper – Although family and close friends will be told about your loss, a notice of your baby’s birth and death lets others know of their arrival. This notice is also a public acknowledgement of your baby.

Baptism or blessing – You may choose to have your baby baptised or blessed in your own religious or cultural practice. The hospital chaplain may be able to assist you if you wish. In hospitals where there is no chaplain, the staff may be able to contact a minister or priest.

Funeral – All babies born from 20 weeks of pregnancy are required by law in most Australian states to be buried or cremated. Religious beliefs or cultural practices will determine these arrangements for some parents.

If your baby was not born alive and died before 20 weeks gestation you are neither required by law to register the birth or bury the baby. If you would like to have a funeral and make your own arrangements you must let the hospital know soon after the baby’s delivery.

Some people may ask why you would have a funeral for a baby. An important part of a funeral involves recognition of the life of the person who has died. This formal ‘goodbye’ helps us accept that someone we love has died. It is an opportunity to do something for your baby. Having a funeral will give your family and friends an opportunity to mourn together. On this occasion you can share some of the hopes and dreams you had for your baby.

Autopsy – You will probably be asked to consider having an autopsy for your baby if there is no visible cause of death. Information and consent forms will be provided by the hospital. The information booklet explains the levels of autopsy available and details what is involved for each of these levels. From the information you can choose what level of investigation you want for your baby.

An autopsy may provide useful information for the planning of future pregnancies. Unfortunately quite often the results give no further information. The final autopsy report takes 6-8 weeks to complete and usually your doctor will make a special appointment with you to discuss the report. It may or may not provide answers.

Forms – There is always paperwork to complete and unfortunately the death of your baby is no exception. All babies born from 20 weeks gestation must have their birth registered. The birth certificate will show that the baby is stillborn, if that is the case, and for a baby that has been alive for a short time the birth certificate will have the word ‘deceased’. The registration of birth form must be completed and sent to Registry of Births Death and Marriages within 60 days. The hospital will give you this form to complete.

The other paperwork to complete is from Centrelink for the ‘baby bonus’. If your baby is stillborn or is born and dies shortly after birth, you are entitled to receive this payment.

This page includes extracts from our publication Your Baby has Died. Please proceed to the Store to receive a free copy of the book, or contact the SANDS office.

SANDS (Vic) office

Telephone: (03) 9899 0217 Administration

(03) 9899 0218 Support

Email: info@sandsvic.org.au